Chapter Text
“Last time on Total Drama Action…” Chris began the recap. “Just when the cast thought they were safe, I swung in to surprise -- I mean... antagonize them. Cast were forced to show their creative sides while showing off their backsides as they made superhero costumes out of spandex. And some other junk. Nice tights! Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, super evil alter ego of the villainous Chef. In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes. And also, losers! In the end, the most diabolical of them all was Duncan and Courtney, who conspired to have Harold vote off his luscious Leshawna. Will Super-Harold recover from betraying his homegirl? Will Duncan and Courtney ever hook up? Maybe you'll find out right now. Maybe you won't. On another totally dramatic episode of... Total. Drama. Action!” Chris began the recap.
(Theme song)
The episode began in the craft services tent where Duncan was looking at everyone but Courtney, who was reading a book, make a burrito. “Ten more seconds! Biggest burrito wins! Think I'd make a good reality show host?” Duncan asked Courtney.
“'Scuse me? I'm strategizing.” Courtney replied.
“Ooh.” Duncan chuckled.
“If you'd strategize, maybe you could manage something more articulate.” Courtney replied.
“Maybe you could blah blah blah–” Duncan mocked as he heard a beeping sound.
“Time's up, co-competitors!” Harold said as he showed his watch.
“Hey Linds, what do you got?” Duncan asked Lindsay.
“Look! Beth and I are BFF!” Lindsay said as she showed two burritos belted together.
“Burrito friends forever!” Lindsay and Beth said at the same time.
“Did you belt your burrito?” Duncan asked.
“It's a custom friendship bracelet I made. To join our two burritos for always and ever.” Beth replied.
“Weird, disturbing, but big... ish. It qualifies. Geekwad, you manage to make yours any bigger?” Duncan asked Harold.
“I give you the Luscious Leshawna.” Harold said as he showed a burrito that was made to look like Leshawna.
“Okay, now that’s just creepy.” Noah said.
“Aww, that's so sweet!” Lindsay said.
“Sweet? Check out the guns on these beans.” Justin asked as he showed a burrito that looked like his abs and flexed his abs but no one reacted.
“Wow, that’s so, incredibly, amazingly, greatly terrible.” Noah said.
“Shut up! Nothing. You feel nothing?” Justin asked Lindsay and Beth.
“Not a tingle.” Beth said.
“Not even an ingle.” Lindsay said.
“Man, this scratched schnoz has destroyed my looks and my life. Why?” Justin complained.
“If that pathetic display is over, here’s mine. Eva said as she showed a fist made out of multiple burritos.
Confessional: Eva
“I probably could have just stacked all of those together to easily make it the biggest, but where’s the fun in that?” Eva said.
“İmpressive. What about you little buddy, A.K.A. Geekwad 2?” Duncan asked Noah.
“Behold… the eaten burrito.” Noah said as he showed a burrito that had been taken a bite out of it.
“Seriously?” Duncan said, unimpressed.
“It’s supposed to be a symbolification of Owen.” Noah explained.
“At least you thought of something, but Owen probably would have eaten all of it. Harold, your pathetic portrayal of puppy love makes me wanna hurl, but you did make the biggest burrito, so you win.” Duncan told Harold.
“Ugh, whatever!” Eva complained.
“This isn't right, I demand a second neutral opinion.” Justin protested.
“Please. I'm not coming anywhere near the infected.” Courtney said.
“Who's infected? Is there a rash? I can't afford a rash!” Justin complained.
“She’s probably just thinking about some fake insult disease, dumbass.” Noah told Justin.
“You all have reality-show-itis. A disease which causes people to turn everyday tasks into crazy challenges. Thus losing focus on the real competition, which I refuse to do.” Courtney said.
“Come on Noah, are we going to be in an alliance? We can’t take out Courtney and Duncan by ourselves!” Justin whispered to Noah.
“I said no already, would it kill you to not ask me that every single day you obsessive freak!?” Noah angrily replied.
Confessional: Noah
“That guy has been seriously obsessed with trying to make an alliance ever since Lindsiot and Blath stopped finding him hot, I already told him no unless Eva is eliminated but he’s not listening. Justin’s basically useless now that everyone is used to how hot he is, which is exactly what I expected.” Noah said.
Confessional: Justin
“When my good looks went, so did my winning edge. Now I’m just a punching bag that is often being used by people like Eva and Noah. But Courtney's still managing to kick butt, and she's not nearly as good looking as I am! Okay, as I was.” Justin said.
“You know, you're the only one taking the game seriously. I just wish I knew how you did it all. It's so inspirational.” Justin told Courtney.
“Just being me! I'm glad to help.” Courtney replied.
“You can help more if you tell me your secrets. Like, how do you even get through life with all your deformities?” Justin asked.
“My what?! I don't have any deformities!” Courtney angrily replied.
“So your answer is denial? Okay.” Justin said while Noah was watching them.
Confessional: Noah
“I know he’s desperate but Courtney? Wow. He’s not even good at it.” Noah said.
“Hear ye and rise for Sir Chris!” Chef said as he came in the tent while wearing a royal outfit and blew a trumpet.
“Sir? Someone needs an ego check.” Harold said as Chris came in a knight costume on a horse while holding a glass boot.
“Ooh! That's a glass slipper! Which means today's challenge is a fairy tale movie! My favorite!” Beth said.
“Beth, dude. If you ever steal my intro again, I'll have to personally boot you off the show.” Chris said as he got off the horse.
“You can't boot Beth. Oh wait, he can. 'Cause it's a glass boot.” Lindsay said.
“I think he meant booting me off the show.” Beth said.
“Wait, then he can’t do that!” Lindsay said.
“He can, he’s the host.” Beth replied.
“Oh.” Lindsay replied.
“And the foot that fits determines the princess for today's... fairy tale movie challenge. The rest of you compete for the honor of rescuing the fair princess.” Chris said.
Confessional: Eva
“Ugh, couldn’t they find a cooler movie idea? No way am I going to be a weak and pathetic princess!
“No way am I the princess!” Eva said.
“I wanna be the princess!” Beth said.
“I said the fair princess. And what we think is fair is that the candidates are the ladies who won a challenge. Courtney and Lindsay.” Chris replied.
Confessional: Beth
“They're totally typecasting me as the ugly stepsister. But now that my braces are off, I'm absolutely princess material!” Beth said.
“Are you sure that's the right one? It's tiny, like a kid's boot.” Lindsay asked as Chris showed the boot.
“Ooh! Ooh! I wear kid's size four!” Beth said.
“What can I say? Princesses are supposed to have dainty feet.” Chris said.
“Can I do this privately?” Lindsay sighed.
“It's just a foot. I think we've all seen those before.” Noah said.
“Get on with it, Lindsay!” Courtney said. Lindsay grunted as she struggled to take off her boot but managed to do it in the end, revealing her giant feet that was not shown to the camera.
“Haha, lookit boys! Is that even genetically possible?” Duncan said as he laughed.
“Looks like we found Bigfoot.” Noah said.
“What is that?” Justin said in shock.
“Wow…” Harold gasped.
“I hear glass shoes have a lot of stretch.” Beth told Lindsay nervously.
“Really?” Lindsay asked.
“Um, no.” Beth said.
Confessional: Lindsay
“I might be extremely attractive in almost every area, but my feet just ruin my chances of being 100% attractive!” Lindsay said.
Cut to Chris trying to put the shoe on Lindsay. “I feel like I'm trying to ram a T-Rex into a smart car and make him buckle up. Welp, if getting it on your big toe counted, you'd have won.” Chris said as Lindsay sighed.
“I am so going to take this.” Courtney said as she took off her shoes.
“I don't know. Doesn't look like it's gonna fit.” Chris said as Courtney started forcing the shoe on.
“I hope that's safety glass.” Harold said.
“Come on, come on, come on!” Courtney said as the glass cracked while she was getting it on.
“Listen, Courtney. We can go to a different selection method if–” Chris tried to say but was interrupted.
“No! I'm gonna… Yes!” Courtney said as she got the boot fully on.
“Let's get this over with before she loses a foot, and I lose another lawsuit. Chef?” Chris asked Chef who came in an angel costume.
“I dub thee Princess Courtney or whatever.” Chef said as he swung his wang, spraying pixie dust on Courtney that made everyone cough.
“Eat my pixie dust, commoners!” Courtney said as the boot got shot out of her foot.
“Oh!” Justin grunted in pain as the boot hit in the face, giving him a black eye.
Confessional: Courtney
“I have become the beast instead of the beauty. A prince turned into a frog! Did Courtney do that on purpose? No, no. She's not evil, she's just feisty. I like feisty, I like it a lot.” Justin thought.
Cut to everyone except Courtney in a city set. “It's story time with Uncle Chris.” Chris said as he sat on a chair.
“Once upon a time, five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a princess from her ivory tower. But it wasn't gonna be easy. First, the knights had to get past... my very good friend, the terrible toothless troll and his Badbreaks Bridge.” Chris said as he pointed at a bridge between two cliffs that Chef was standing on.
“I’m the terrible toothless troll. Grr.” Chef said unenthusiastically as everyone gulped.
“To get past the terrible toothless troll, the knights had to wear disguises. There was the Frog Prince and the Ugly Stepsister. Sleeping Beauty and one of her Seven Dwarves. The Amazing Magician. The Fierce Warrior. And finally, Little Red Riding Hood.” Chris said as he gave Beth a wig, Lindsay a sleeping mask, Noah a dwarf hat, Harold a magician hat, Eva a warrior helmet, and Duncan a red hood.
“Eh, can we at least make it Red Riding Hoodlum?” Duncan asked.
“No dice, dude. That's what it says in the script.Good work, kid.” Chris replied as he thanked an intern that brought him cookies with milk. “And so the ugly stepsister approached the terrible troll.” he continued as Beth put on her wig that ended up covering her eyes.
“But I can't see!” Beth complained.
“Oh yeah, for this challenge, each knight is blind.” Chris explained as everyone complained. “Nowhere in this story does it say, "the cowardly knights complain". So get it together, Steppy, and get crossing.” he said.
Cut to Beth walking on the bridge. “Could this be any suckier?” Beth asked.
“You might regret that.” Chef said as he started throwing apples at Beth.
“Ow! Ow, apparently it could be! Ow! Ow! Ooh!” Beth grunted as she was pelted by apples.
“Oh, also, those are wicked witch's apples, so they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch–” Chris tried to say but was interrupted.
“Oof! Ow! Ah! Ugh!” Beth screamed as she tripped on an apple and fell off the bridge, hitting multiple rocks on the way.
“Ooh…” Justin, Harold, Duncan and Noah winced.
“See, Beth is just not fairy tale heroine material.” Chris said as Beth gagged while laying on the ground.
Confessional: Beth
“Hey, how do you know if you have a concussion? Is seeing double a bad sign?” Beth, who was in a full body cast, asked.
Cut to Noah at the start of the bridge. “Next, the eighth dwarf.” Chris said as Noah started walking on the bridge.
“I’m coming to get you boy!” Chef said as he ran toward Noah.
“Hey, is that a flying paycheck?” Noah asked as he pointed at the sky.
“Where?” Chef asked as he stopped in his tracks.
Confessional: Noah
“He must get paid even less than I thought.” Noah said.
“Oh, my bad, it was just the air.” Noah said as he walked by Chef and reached the end while he was distracted.
“And the dwarf bests the incompetent troll!” Chris said as Chef glared at him.
Confessional: Chef
“Maybe if he paid me on time, I wouldn’t be so distracted!” Chef said.
Cut to Harold at the start of the bridge. “Next, the Amazing Magician. He grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge.” Chris said.
“This is for you, Leshawna!” Harold said as he ran toward Chef. Chef tried to attack him but Harold ended up jumping on him, running past and reaching the end.
“Now what the heck was that?” Chef said in shock.
Confessional: Harold
“Yours truly has developed some mad blind running skills.” Harold boasted.
Cut to Lindsay at the start of the bridge. She started walking on it as Chef made a goose shoot eggs at her.
“Ow! What was that?” Lindsay asked as she took another step forward, causing the bridge to collapse.
“Ah! They don't pay me enough for this!” Chef said as he opened a parachute while he was falling.
“Hey, Sleeping Bigfoot, boats go under bridges, not over them!” Duncan, who was at the start with Justin and Eva, told Lindsay as Justin and Eva laughed.
“My feet are not that big!” Lindsay yelled as she ended up falling.
“Awesome! You're up, Warrior.” Chris told Eva.
“Let’s do this!” Eva yelled as she ran through the bridge.
“I’m still not gonna let you pass!” Chef said as he ran toward Eva and got into a fist fight with her. Eva ended up swinging Chef backwards to pass and made it to the end.
“Yes!” Eva cheered.
“Your turn Froggy. Then it's Captain Hood.” Chris told Justin.
“At least my face will be protected from further indignity. Oof!” Justin said as he ran into a bridge pole.
“Ow. Tough start. Go a little more to the right!” Duncan chuckled.
“Ow.” Justin grunted as he ran into the other pole.
“Sorry, man! Hey, man, let me give you a hand.” Duncan laughed as he shoved Justin into Chef who was running toward him.
“D'ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. Ow!” Justin said as Chef hit his helmet with an axe as Duncan laughed.
Confessional: Justin
“There I was, down dirty, and deafened. And I thought "W.W.C.D.": What would Courtney do? And then it came to me! She'd use her head.” Justin said.
“Yaaah!” Justin said as he ran toward Chef.
“Oof!” Chef grunted as he was headbutted by Justin who ran past him and made it to the end.
“Justin's still got it! All right then. The final knight attempting to enter fairtytale land is... Little Red Riding Hoodlum. We're over this way!” Chris told Duncan who was putting on his hood and a blindfold while his back was turned.
“Seeing? Good. Seeing Chef as a ugly troll? Priceless.” Duncan said as he looked under the blindfold to see troll Chef.
“Rapunzel dude! Let down your hair!
“Never call me that again.” Chef said as he put on a long wig and threw a strand at Duncan who grabbed it and used it to swing across the bridge.
“Hey, he can see!” Justin said as he saw that Duncan was looking under the blindfold.
“How? With his x-ray vision?” Noah replied.
“That'd be cool.” Chris said.
“Woohoo, whoo!” Duncan cheered as he reached the end.
Cut to everyone but Courtney in front of a stage. Lindsay and Beth were on the side wearing full body casts. “And so the terrible toothless troll knocked off two losers, but five semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest, whereupon I, in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Courtney.” Chris said as Courtney, who was wearing a purple dress and a silver tiara, was lowered onto the stage with a rope.
“When I was a little girl, I'd dream of my first kiss, It would come from my perfect prince, And in my dream, it went like this!” Courtney began singing as some animals got on the stage.
“This is dumb, can’t we skip to the challenge already?” Eva said.
“She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…” Justin said.
“Yeah…” Duncan agreed.
“Eh, I’ve seen hotter.” Noah said.
“Well, in my opinion-” Harold tried to say but was interrupted.
“No one cares Harold.” Noah interrupted.
“I must've been so busy seeing her as a master strategist that I didn't see her outer beauty. Wow. We'll be the best looking couple in the kingdom!” Justin thought.
“Pardon?” Duncan asked.
“I saw you cheat, Duncan. You don't deserve to be her prince.” Justin replied.
“Who died and made you the decider about me and Courtney?” Duncan angrily replied.
“Ooh, fighting over girls, how manly.” Noah rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, right?” Harold agreed.
“Seriously, can we just skip this!? Who cares!” Eva said.
“Guys, guys. No need to fight. At least not until after this break. Will Duncan inflict more deformities on Justin or will Justin's ripped physique bring two tons of hurt down on Duncan's head? Find out when we come back.” Chris said as the screen faded to black.
Cut to Courtney on the stage. “My prince will be tall and handsome, My prince will be tough as nails!” Courtney sang as Duncan bent Harold over his knee.
“Oof!” Harold grunted in pain while Justin tried to bend Harold over his knee but couldn’t as Noah rolled his eyes.
“My prince will have lots of money, My prince will tame wild whales!” Courtney sang as Eva bent a whale over her knee.
“Courtney is so lucky. She gets to wear that sparkly head thingy.” Lindsay said.
“If you smell burnt toast, and everything looks like it's underwater, does that mean you have a concussion?” Beth asked.
Confessional: Lindsay
“Why does Courtney have to be so good at everything? Now no one is noticing me! I’m just going to be left as that dumb girl with the giant feet!” Lindsay complained.
“When we kiss, my prince will be you! Ugh!” Courtney sang as she kissed a frog and threw it away as it ended up hitting Justin in the face.
“Warts! Ahh! Get it off!” Justin yelled as he ran around while Noah laughed.
Confessional: Courtney
“I was overjoyed to know that I was going to sing. I’m an excellent singer, I always play the main singing part in the school plays. It almost made standing around in that cheap dress worth it.” Courtney said.
“Wasn't that song brilliant? It was so brilliant, I know everyone wishes they could hear it over and over and over again, and now they can. Relive the magic of Courtney for only $12.99. Call 555-SELL-OUT to get your authentic Princess Courtney CD before everyone else downloads it illegally!” Chris said as she showed a CD.
“I'll take one! I'm gonna listen to this beautiful love song and thing of Leshawna.” Harold said as he took the CD from Chris.
Confessional: Harold
“My prince will buy me lots of hot dogs, My prince will love ponies, too!” Harold sang as he suddenly got a letter that was given him from an intern who was behind a curtain. “It's from Leshawna! "Yo, Harold. If you play that skinny rich girl's song and think about me, I'll have to kill you."” he read the note.
“After risking my life for you, I realize how wrong I was with that deformity crack. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And the smartest. What are the odds?” Justin told Courtney as Chef came on a horse and made her get on it with him.
“Thank you, sir Justin.” Courtney replied.
“Pfft. More like Sir Suckup.” Duncan said.
“You know, you could learn something from Justin here. It's nice to get a compliment once in a while.” Courtney said.
“Well, I'm waiting. Butter me up, princess.” Duncan replied.
Confessional: Noah
“That guy has, like, absolutely zero romance skills.” Noah said.
“Look! It's the one horseman of the apocalypse! Did you see that?! She winked her horse eyes at me!” Beth said as she pointed at the horse.
“I think you do have a concussion.” Lindsay said.
“Are we supposed to catch him?” Duncan asked.
“If that’s the case, I’m going to get him before he even gets that horse to move!” Eva boasted.
“No, it's the classic princess abduction. As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed.” Chris replied as Chef kicked the horse on its side.
“Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script.” Chef said.
“Kick harder.” Chris replied.
“Ooh!” Justin grunted as Chef kicked the horse, making it get up as it ended up kicking Justin.
“That did it!” Chef said.
“So, that's how the three knight dudes lost the princess. But fate, A.K.A. me, wasn't finished with them. They followed the troll all the way to a fight to the death! Because that's how I like my princesses saved.” Chris said.
“Sir Justin! I want you to know that I hope you rescue me!” Courtney said as Chef left with her and the horse.
“Come on, I was just kidding about the compliment! You're cute, okay? I-I like your face, it's nice!” Duncan said.
“I won't disappoint you, princess!” Justin said.
“As good luck, I give you my favor to carry into battle!” Courtney said as she tossed the glass boot at Justin.
“Ah!” Justin grunted as he was hit by the boot.
Confessional: Justin
“Falling for Courtney has been hard on the face. I think we'll have a no-shoes policy once we're dating.” Justin said.
Cut to everyone in front of a tower that Courtney was on the top off. “Sir Justin, Sir Duncan, Sir Noah, Sir Eva and Sir Harold reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the type A princess. But there was only one way to rescue her. One of the brave knights had to slay the dragon.” Chris explained.
“Ooh. I love a good dragon tale.” Beth said.
“I can't wait to see a real dragon! So scary!” Lindsay said.
“If any dragon dares to get in my way, I’ll rip its wings off!” Eva said.
“We don't have a real dragon. We're reusing the alien monster guy.” Chris said as the monster from the first challenge came.
“Cheapskate much?” Noah rolled his eyes.
“Let the dragon-slaying begin!” Chris said as he gave them all wooden swords.
“Godspeed, brave knights! Sir Eva, mwah. Sir Harold, mwah.” Courtney said as she blew air kisses at Eva and Harold. Eva flung away hers while Harold’s was stolen by Duncan.
“Ha. Good luck, loser.” Duncan mocked.
“You won’t be so smug when I beat you up with my mad skills!” Harold replied.
“Sir Noah, mwah. Sir Justin, mwah. Ugh, Duncan, mwah.” Courtney said as she blew air kisses at Noah, Justin and Duncan. Noah did nothing as the air kiss passed by him while Justin caught his. Duncan tried to catch it but it was caught by Justin first.
“Stealing another dude's air kiss? Pathetic.” Duncan told Justin.
“You're telling me.” Harold said.
“Yeah? You'll like it even better when I get the real thing. I'll save you, Courtney!” Justin said as he ran toward the tower.
“You princess-stealing slime ball! Rrgh!” Duncan said as he attacked Justin. However the monster noticed them and tried to step on them as they jumped in opposite directions.
“What are we going to do?” Noah asked Eva.
“Just run! Argh!” Eva screamed as she ran toward the tower.
“I hope this isn’t a bad idea!” Noah said as he ran after her.
Meanwhile, Justin was next to Harold. “You want Duncan to win?” Justin asked Noah.
“You're kidding, right?” Harold replied.
“Then help me take him down and I'll let you win. I don't care, I just can't let him have Courtney.” Justin replied. Harold looked to see Duncan slicing at the monster’s head as it crouched with his sword.
“Dork. Nerdling. Harold-type loser!” Duncan insulted.
“Well?” Justin asked Harold.
“Get them both chasing you!” Harold replied.
Confessional: Harold
“For a mathlete, it was elementary. The old alien dragon was six meters from Justin and three meters from Duncan. They were running at approximately twelve kilometers an hour, or 3.3 meters, which made it a matter of timing, and I've got mad crazy timing skills.” Harold explained.
Cut to Justin running away while the monster and Duncan chased him as Eva and Noah stood in front of the tower. “My granny's got more guts than you! Man up and fight!” Duncan mocked.
“Justin! Okay, you're just gonna stop dead in three. Two. One!” Harold said as Justin stopped, shocking Duncan and making him stop too.
“Ah…” Duncan said as he ducked while the monster ended up tripping over him.
“This tower doesn’t seem to have a staircase.” Noah said as he and Eva looked at the tower.
“We’ll need to find another- Look out!” Eva said as she saw the monster about to fall on them.
“Run away!” Noah said as Eva shoved him away and then jumped, managing to get out of the way of the monster as it crushed Duncan while it fell.
“That was too close.” Eva said.
“You think!? Thanks for saving me by the way.” Noah replied.
“Eh, no big deal.” Eva replied.
Confessional: Noah
“I figured it had to do something with Justin and Harold. They were planning to crush all of us with the monster so they’d let themselves be the only candidates to win. We need to stop them if we want to win.” Noah explained.
“Gnarly job, sir J, It seems we crushed all three. Now if we can just find this animatronic beast's center of operation, I'll claim my victory!” Harold said as he and Justin started climbing on the monster.
Cut to Harold and Justin on top of the monster where they found a red button. “This must be it.” Harold said.
“Then just do it!” Justin said as Harold got ready to stab the button with his sword.
“Where do you think you’re going!” Eva said as she and Noah got on top of the monster, surprising Justin and Harold.
“Oh no, I was wrong!” Harold said as he saw Noah and Eva approaching them.
“How do we beat Eva? Noah’s easy but that psycho is a powerhouse!” Justin whispered to Harold.
“I have a plan but… It may be stupid.” Harold replied.
“Dude, any plan is good by now!” Justin said.
“Alright, here goes! For Leshawna! Ah!” Harold said as he charged toward Eva.
“What are you, Oof!” Eva grunted as she was rammed into by Harold, knocking her off the monster as Harold ended up falling too.
“What was that!?” Noah said in shock of what happened.
“Harold? Are you okay?” Justin asked Harold who was laying on the ground with Eva.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine! But it seems I can’t win in this state, you must be the one who rescues the princess!” Harold replied.
“Alright! I won’t let you down!” Justin replied.
Confessional: Eva
“How did that skinny dork manage to knock me off? He must have had more muscle than I thought.” Eva said.
“So, it’s just you and me, huh?” Noah said.
“Well, one way or another this was bound to happen.” Justin said as he and Noah started battling with their swords.
“Why are you so obsessed with Courtney now anyway? Do you think she really likes you? She’s probably just tricking you.” Noah asked.
“Of course she does! I might be deformed but I’m still hot! I can charm sharks! Once I get with her, my beauty will be restored!” Justin replied.
“Who the hell cares? She definitely doesn’t care about that! Looks are not everything! You don’t know anything about genuine love!” Noah argued.
“What, and you do? Also, you think being smart is going to get you everywhere? Why do you think you know Courtney so well?” Justin replied.
“I know her more than you do if you think she’d fall for an idiot like you! You just think you can get everywhere by being hot!” Noah replied.
“Oh, like you’re so different! Leshawna even called you out, you are selfish, lazy and egotistical! I’ve worked to charm Lindsay and Beth and try to make alliances while you just sit and lay down while Owen or Eva do all the work for you! You don’t care about the game at all!” Justin angrily replied.
“Well, maybe I am selfish, lazy and egotistical! Maybe I don’t care about the game and just get lucky because I have allies. But, unlike you, I don’t think I’ll just get rewarded for everything because I’m smart! I have people who care about me not because of some superficial trait but instead because they know who I am as a person! And, I know when I’ve lost.” Noah said as he dropped his sword and stabbed the red button with it.
“What? What do you think you’re doing?” Justin asked.
“I guess you’re right, I don’t really put any effort a lot of the time and let others do the work for me while I give up on challenges. But if you really think that you can do anything because you’re hot, then go ahead and kiss Courtney to win. I know I can’t beat you but someone is going to snap you back to reality today.” Noah said.
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about and I really couldn’t care less. Courtney! Your prince is coming!” Justin said as he ran up the monster to reach the top of the tower where Courtney was.
“Some prince.” Eva said on the ground.
“Wanna rescue Princess Courtney too? Now you can for only $79.95. Order your very own Princess Courtney limited edition glass boot doll. Playing with the Princess Courtney doll is more fun and less dangerous than playing with the real Courtney. Guaranteed.” Chris said as he showed a Courtney doll.
“Princess!” Justin said as he reached the top to see Courtney and the two leaned in to kiss each other.
“Wait, wait, there's no kissing!” Chris interrupted.
“What?” Justin asked.
“Yes.” Duncan said as he gave a thumbs up from under the monster.
“It says here that Prince Justin and Princess Courtney must sword fight to determine the true winner.” Chris said.
“Whichever one of us wins the sword fight gets immunity?” Courtney asked.
“You're almost too smart to be a princess.” Chris replied.
“But every fairy tale I've ever read ends with a kiss!” Beth said.
“Well, Beth, this is a modern tale. Gals have to fight for themselves.” Chris replied.
“If that's how it has to be.” Courtney said.
“No. I am a noble gentleman. A brave knight, a handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.
“Although making a guy who's working with you hurt one is apparently fair game!” Eva said.
“I don’t care about you Eva. I refuse to raise a sword to Courtney. I'd give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now…” Justin said as he tried to kiss Courtney but was interrupted by Courtney pulling her sword.
“Sorry, Justin. I just can't let immunity go. You understand.” Courtney grinned.
“But… I thought you liked me!” Justin replied.
“Get real. Give me a single reason why I’d like a loser like you.” Courtney scoffed.
“But… I’m handsome!” Justin replied.
“Wow, you’re even more pathetic than I thought. That dweeb was right. You really need to learn to know when you’ve lost. I don’t care about you, I care about winning!” Courtney said as she hit Justin, knocking him off the tower.
“No! Ahh! Ess! Ooh! Ess! Oh! Oh. Hah... I'm okay!” Justin grunted as he fell while everyone looked shocked.
“Courtney wins immunity!” Chris announced.
“Yes!” Courtney cheered.
Confessional: Noah
“I wasn’t expecting her to do that! She really is colder than I thought.” Noah said.
Confessional: Justin
“I can’t believe this… Noah was right. I was too distracted to see that I was being tricked… I’ve failed.” Justin, who was now in a body cast sighed.
Cut to the award ceremony where Beth, Justin and Lindsay were in body casts. “So, with immunity, Courtney is the first to win a Golden Chris.” Chris said as he tossed Courtney an award.
“Oh!” Courtney grunted as she got hurt while catching the award.
“I think she felt that. Cool!” Beth said as she stuck pins into a Courtney doll.
“Get her elbow.” Lindsay said.
“Dumb Blonde and Blath, you didn’t even make it to the second part due to your incompetence.” Chef called out Lindsay and Beth who both looked like they didn’t care.
“Angry Girl, you proved yourself to be a massive threat today.” Chef called out Eva who was glaring.
“Delinquent, you are still allied with C.I.T.ney who is public enemy no. 1. and the winner of today’s challenge.” Chef called out Duncan who looked like he didn’t care.
“Finally, Pretty Boy. You thought you had a chance with C.I.T.ney, but she tricked you and knocked you off a tower!” Chef called out Justin who looked upset.
“Before we continue the awards though, I have some news. Courtney's lawyers called and demanded eighty percent of all the profits from the Princess Courtney merchandise. So not gonna happen. So, we're renaming them after the only other brunette left in the competition: Beth.” Chris said as Beth squealed and got on the stage as Chris gave her a Beth doll. Your very own Princess Beth doll! And a contract stating that you get zero percent of the Princess Beth profits, along with a Gilded Chris award. You live another week.” he said.
“Fairy tales do come true! Oh my gosh! Take the pins out!” Beth said as she ran toward Lindsay.
“Also still in the competish, Lindsay!” Chris said as he tossed her an award.
“Ha, Harold! And Noah!” he said as he tossed Harold and Noah their awards. Duncan looked confident while Justin was worried while Eva looked angry.
“Who will live happily ever after? And who will die penniless? And the last Gilded Chris goes to…
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Justin and Duncan. Eva, you're out.” he said as he tossed Justin and Duncan awards.
“What!? How!” Eva angrily said.
Confessional: Courtney
“Justin was easier to trick than I thought. I realized that the winner of the challenge and the princess would have to argue for immunity and Justin would easily give up immunity for me. I voted off Eva for being the strongest player left, everyone else is way too pathetic.” Courtney said.
Confessional: Duncan
“I knew about Courtney’s plan, I helped her by arguing with Justin over her to make him more determined and it worked. I didn’t think she’d be as cruel as to throw the guy off the building though. Harsh.” Duncan said.
Confessional: Harold
“As much as I hate Duncan, Eva was the strongest player left. And I’m scared that she might kill me in my sleep after what I did today.” Harold said.
Confessional: Justin
“I voted for Eva for being strong but I didn’t think anyone else would. Maybe I have a chance of redeeming myself by getting my good looks back to charm Lindsay and Beth again!” Justin said.
Cut to Eva entering the Lame-O-Sine. “Hey, thanks for sticking by me. And sorry that I couldn’t help you.” Noah told Eva.
“Whatever, I’m proud of you for what you told Justin. You just make sure Courtney or Duncan doesn’t win this thing! Got that?” Eva said.
“Uh, yes ma’am!” Noah said as Eva closed the Lame-O-Sine door while it took off.
Cut to Chris and Chef in the security room. “Marketing says our target audience is too bold for dolls. They're just not selling!” Chris said.
“Princesses, attack!” Chef said as he played war with the Beth dolls.
“Hey, target audience. Make sure you don't miss the next kiss-filled episode of Total. Drama. Action! Now you see, Chef? That's how you play with dolls.” Chris said as he made two Beth dolls kiss while the episode ended.
VOTES
Confessional: Duncan
“Bye Rage Freak, see you hopefully never again.” Duncan said as he chose to eliminate Eva on the device.
Confessional: Noah
“Justin. I’m still in awe of everything that happened.” Noah said as he chose to eliminate Justin on the device.
Confessional: Harold
“Eva. Sorry. Please don’t kill me!” Harold said as he chose to eliminate Eva on the device.
Confessional: Courtney
“My plan worked. Buh-bye Eva!” Courtney said as she chose to eliminate Eva on the device.
Confessional: Eva
“Justin’s the entire reason I lost in the first place!” Eva said as she chose to eliminate Justin on the device.
Confessional: Justin
“Eva. I do not like her at all and she is pretty threatening.” Justin said as he chose to eliminate Eva on the device.
Confessional: Beth
“Duncan is still allied with Courtney which means he’s the biggest threat for now.” Beth said as she chose to eliminate Duncan on the device.
Confessional: Lindsay
“Beth said we should continue voting for Derek and I agree with her.” Lindsay said as she chose to eliminate Duncan on the device.
BONUS CLIP
Eva’s Lame-O-Sine Ride
“I can’t believe I’ve lost! I made it so much farther than the previous season too. At least my anger issues improved this time and I wasn’t one of the first boots. I’m hoping Noah gives those two what they deserve! The people at the gym are going to insult me more now that I’ve lost for the third time! Ah, forget this!” Eva said as she punched the camera, breaking it.
